Alcohol (heart)

Color of the alcohol I drank Monday night. It smelled amazing, but tasted extremely bad. Being depressed for me has no cure, until I started drinking. When I drink I am just so happy and I feel so good. It is one of the best ways to feel. I get so sad for no reason, but some alcohol just makes everything all better. I smile, I laugh, I feel happy. My friends being there when I experience this makes it even better. I love my friends, and they are truely wonderful people. Alcohol is my drug, no love needed.

Everything...

heyyyy, I love being here in New York. But I'm super afraid once I leave I'm going to be super sad and just miss my friends so much. They all complete me in their own ways. I can pretty much say anything and they never get offended. A very good thing.

With me awkward moments don't exist. I say the most awkward things but I roll with them and no silence ever occurs. It's the best. I am one of the best people to be around. I can make anything fun. I love fun.

Sleeping, actually sleeping, in bed with a boy scares me. I think it would make me emotionally attached. And I don't want that, ever. I have nightmares a lot, but they go away when I sleep in bed with like my mom or one of my friends, so I think if I slept in bed with a boy they'd go away until he did, then they'd come back way worse. And I'd be already completely sad from losing the boy that it would just be the worse thing ever to me.

I have no problem with people dissing my physical look, I don't care what they have to say. What bothers me is when people diss my personality. I love my personality and it hurts when people don't. I love to talk and I hate when people tell me to shut up. I can talk whenever I want, and I will do just that.

I love texting. It like makes me smile, when people say things to make me feel better. Best invention ever.

I love seeing my name in people's blogs, so thank you Tanya Lee for making my night.

Love.

Love is just a word. according to a friend of mine. So I will never say I love you to you again, and I will never except it from you. Words are pointless and they mean nothing to me anymore. When I say I love you, I mean nothing by it. I will tell a stranger I love you if they do something nice for me. This excludes close friends and family, cause I love them. But its a different love. Its a never ending love. So please remember this, I do not believe in love for me. I am unloving and unlovable.

Important

I have huge problems with being ignored. I so hate it. It makes me feel hated and unimportant. I want to be important, I want to feel important. I don't need people telling me I'm important, I need them to show me. I need it. Don't text me if you don't plan on continuing our conversation. Don't talk to me all day then stop, it makes me feel like you only talk to me when its convenient to you. Thank you.

the truth

I am very honest. I don't lie and I don't see a reason to. So to me, lying is pointless and doesn't accomplish anything. The truth always comes out. If you lie to me, and I find out, I most likely won't say anything to you about it. It'll just drive me crazy inside until I shut down completely. Lying just makes me question everything you've ever said to me. So now, I don't believe a word you've ever spoke. I am honest, brutally honest. I tell the truth even when it's not nessseccary. I believe in the truth, but I don't believe in you.

Bitches be Jealous.

Bitches be jealous. I got the 6 best friends anyone could ask for.
Tanya Lee- Smart, beautiful, and the best personality you will ever find. She's sweet and caring, but can be a bitch when needed. She means the world to me. We've played our games together since like 5th grade, sisters to brats. We've basically grown up together. Making pancakes at 3 in the morning, now that was a once in a lifetime experience. I trust her with things I can't even tell the only 5.
Brooke Elizabeth-Her boyfriend might kill me, but I know she'd mourn my death forever. We've have our hard times throughout the years, but what do you expect, I met her in Kindergarten. Long ass time. She's their when it matters most, now.
Victoria Alexandria-Sweetest bitch ever. She'd do anything for me, including bring me a monster. She is like me in so many ways, mainly the weird ones. We're crazy together, but I like it that way. We've experienced something together, that will always keep us close.
Alexis Lea Lucille-I can tell her anything and she won't judge me. She tells me the truth and never sugarcoat things :) thats exactly what I usually need. She doesn't get freaked out by my weirdness, she embraces it.
Miranda Paige-She listens well, and normally knows what to say, she includes me in everything, making me feel like I've always been apart of things.
Alexander (He hates his middle name and asked that it was not put in here)-best I will never forget him. He saves me from myself every time I talk to him. He can upset me, but I get over it fast and I probably piss him off everyday but he doesn't let it show.

I miss being a kid.

I might get sad randomly and for no reason, but I am still the funniest person to be around when I'm happy. I do crazy things and I make everyone laugh. Today is the last day of school, yay! I have two finals (1 and 4) easy! German will take all of 10-15 minutes, cause I know my german. And U.S. History will take like the whole period, but if its all from the study guide I should do fine. Cause I did my study guide. Okay, a random switch -- best childhood memories all include dolls that lookesd either like freaks cause we chopped their hair off and dresses them weird or sluts. Short skirts or just short shorts. They all drank and had sex, fought and caused tons of drama. They were the Bratz, me and Tanya, on her floor, her beds (when she shared a room with Raechel, it was the only open space big enough), or the living room. With the cars and the boats even, which we lost randomly?!?!?! and the crazy roadtrips where people always dies, but never our favorites, even thought they would be alive again when we started over, we could never kill our favs. Tanya's fav was always Greg Lowrey, him and the stupid hat that never stayed on. My favorite was Adrian, and then Kelly P. especially when they dated. He was a horrible boyfriend. Favorite couple: Jake and Nicole-always drama there. Cross and her books, Eithan and his annorexia. All fun things I'll never forget, with the person I'll never forget. I miss being a kid...